The Twelve Stories of Christmas, Part 6: 'Tis Better to Give than Receive

Originally posted on Tales of the Parodyverse by Manga Shoggoth.

Parodyverse characters copyright (c) 2006 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works.

All mystical sources agree on one thing: Preparation is everything. When summoning creatures from the outer darkness, research your chants, practice your sigils and for heaven's (or the eternal destination of your choice) sake don't create your ritual as if you learned your craft from "Elder Creature Summoning for Dummies (1)".

This putative High Priest had done his research. He knew his l'geb from his l'gub, his unholy altar was the finest he could make, his obsidian dagger was razor sharp and in no way a phallic symbol and his victim was screaming fit to burst. Not that the screaming would do any good - the caves he had chosen were remote and (in the manner of small holes in the side of damn great hills) fairly soundproof.

He smiled, raising his dagger. A sacrifice of terror, pain and humiliation on the night of Christmas, the season of goodwill, would go a long way towards the summoning of Nyalurkotep. Or, at least supplying a minion or two.

Excuse me?

The putative High Priest hesitated. There was a rather small Elder Creature next to him.

"I haven't finished the ritual yet!"

I know. It appears that rituals have changed a little over the years, and I have been sent on ahead to make sure that things are just right.

"Umm..."

You need to start by covering your body with the Parchment of Ilex, imprinted with the Hieroglyphics of aquifolium.

The creature handed over a stiff, patterned sheet of Egyptian Papyrus, emblazoned as described.

The priest struggled with the sheet for a moment, evidently not sure how to handle it.

I believe the most efficient method is to place it in a roll about the torso. suggested the creature. Then secure it with the Belt of Thevros the Undying.

"The Belt of..."

The same. Scored with unwritten sigils graven in the blood of virgins.

The creature handed over a rope belt covered with rather disturbing images. The cultist took the belt with shaking hands, and reverently tightened it approximately about his waist. The papyrus crinkled slightly, but stopped slipping out of control.

Finally, place the Rosette of the Rotesband above your heart.

The cultist looked at the rosette with a trace of confusion. It was intricately woven in a rather disturbing pattern, but had one clearly visible attribute.

"It's got a sticky tab on the back!"

Of course! retorted the Elder creature. How else will it stick to the papyrus? The original used to be tied at the back, but it is almost impossible to tie yourself when wearing the papyrus. You'd be amazed how many priests were stabbed in the back by an over-ambitious assisting acolyte.

The cultist nodded sagely as he applied the rosette. That was why he had dispensed with the whole cultic business. Less risk, less sharing of the reward. He stood by the altar and raised his dagger again.

He stopped. The Elder Creature was oozing and rocking, as if something was stuck inside it or - as he realised with horror - something was using it as a gateway.

"But I haven't finished the ceremony!"

The original Elder Creature slid away as the new creature emerged. This creature directed its hateful gaze upon the cultist. It's maw opened slightly, revealing an impressive set of teeth, made more visible by the dark hue of its face.

Merry Christmas, Ebony.

"Oh! You shouldn't have!"

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